I’ve gotten to this relieving, yet scary state of mind recently where I feel numb all the time. I haven’t cried in awhile, especially compared to how I used to be. I even tried to make myself cry last night.. and the same love songs couldn’t do it for me. I’ve finally let go of him, but the scar is still there.. and I don’t think will ever go away. I don’t want to be close to anyone for awhile… thinking of a relationship sickens my stomach.

The amount I still care about and love him though is buried in the abyss of my fucked up mind now, and won’t let it ever come back out… even though regretfully it is still there. But happily I can honestly say now that if he ever asked for a second chance, which is highly unlikely anyway, I would be able to tell him no. Going through that was mentally draining and physically affected me… I could AND will never do that again. So here’s my last words for you…

“How can I miss you if you never would stay?
If you need time I guess I’ll go away.
Inside me now there’s only heartache and pain.
So where’s the fire?
You’ve become the rain.
Are we just lost in time?
I wonder if your love’s the same,
cause I’m not over you.
Baby, don’t talk to me
I’m trying to let go
Not loving you is harder then you know”